why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
