It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
