Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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