So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
