our cab driver is having phone sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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