i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
