D3 body, D1 cock
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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