No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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