You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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