Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
