loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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