I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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