I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
