So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
