My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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