It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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