so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So vagazzling was a success
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
