Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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