You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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