Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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