she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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