Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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