guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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