after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
