I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
