Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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