Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
