a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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