I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
