Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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