She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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