you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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