Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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