Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i love accidental penises.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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