how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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