dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
