I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
