His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
