Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
