I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
