K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
