dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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