So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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