Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
