i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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