please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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