he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
