Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
