Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
