i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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