let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i drank out of a bidet.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
