Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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