Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
