im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
