ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
