I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
