Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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