i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
