recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
