I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
