Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
