"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
