I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This girl is more easily done than said...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
