Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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