I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
