I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
