i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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