There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
