So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
