She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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