yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
