his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
