You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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