What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
