It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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