well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
