so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
