I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
