I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize