i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
