i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
