does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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