My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
