Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
